You made me cry and you don't even care
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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