Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
