Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
