Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
