Sponge bath it is.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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