you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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