that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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