The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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