drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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