I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
