He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
