I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
