bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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