When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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