i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
