Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
