Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
