should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
