I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
