My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
