I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
