areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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