So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
