I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
