I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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