My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
