dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my shit smells like andre
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
