He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
