I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
