Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
