apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
