Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
