She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
