I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Im part way to drunk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
