i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I understand Curling. That high.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
