Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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