Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
