Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
