I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
