I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
