allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
