no, he came in my armpit
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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