Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
