I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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