mondays should just be called national damage control day
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
