i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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