im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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