i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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