i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
