I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
